..but to carry on.
Some people are impressed that I walk so much to get places. My school, which is also where my psychologist is located, is in the city across the river. Figure and hour to an hour and a half walk. The psychiatrist is in the same city, further away. Less than two hours, exact timing unclear. Longer if I'm tired of course.
There's nothing to be impressed with. Once you've started you don't have much choice. I might feel like I should just give up and collapse where I stand, but I can't, because I'm not in a place to do it. I have to take the next step because there's nothing else to do and nowhere else to go. I have no choice but to carry on.
Or, I suppose, we could go with Frost, I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep. It's out of his hands, it's out of my hands, there's no choice in the matter, one must move forward.
For anyone who read the last post, or looked at the tags on this one, or is just good at guessing. Yes, I'm going to turn this into a depression analogy.
A short one, because there's not much to say. I've been lucky enough to never be suicidal, other people don't have that luxury but I do. And that means that I can base my life around the fact that the next day is coming, there's nothing I can do about it, I have to face it, I have no choice.
Choices are where I break down, choices can fuck everything up. (Though people ordering me around generally doesn't help either) but when I have no choice that can keep things going.
Tomorrow is coming. It will come sooner than I'd like, I'll face it worse than I'd like, it will end before I've done what I wanted to do during it, and generally speaking it will go worse than I wanted it to, but none of this changes the fact that tomorrow will come and I will have to face it.
I have no choice.
So I carry on.