Friday, July 26, 2013

If I close my eyes will the world go away?

It is probably the case that the best posts are not written from fetal position, not because fetal position is a bad position from which to type (though it is, which is why I'm now propped against a couch) but because the reasons conducive to being in fetal position are not the ones conducive to writing a good post.

I don't even fucking know.

Yesterday was good, except for the dogs, the day before was good.  Today

And I ran out of fucking words.  Was there a sentence there and I lost it, or did I just think something would follow if I started and then nothing did?

Don't know.

The more of me that's in contact with the floor the better things seem to be.  Not better as in feels good.  That would imply feeling where there is none.  Less uncomfortable perhaps.  More natural?

And the question remains: if i close my eyes will the world go away?

Be nice if it would.

But it doesn't.  My body persists and that bird outside won't shut up and some large vehicle (a train perhaps) made a "get out of the damn way" noise.

I think the time may have come to seriously consider that perhaps I have nothing to say.  Today will pass and nothing of value will be written or done.  Tomorrow will likely be the same.  Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow, creeps forth in this petty pace from day to day.  I don't even like Shakespeare.  Yesterday things had meaning.  Today all that has passed away and I lay here on the floor.

And my monitor is the wrong fucking color.  No red.

Darkness come and take me now.  For fuck's sake I've run out of everything.  Motivation, energy, emotions, spoons, words.

The world still won't go away, even if I lie face down on the floor with eyes closed for god knows how long.

May tomorrow be better.  Not a hope, I'm out of that stuff.  Just another request I expect will go unfulfilled.


  1. I'm sorry things are so rotten at present, I wish there were something I could do to help. :(

    *offers hugs*

  2. (I'm usually depizan, but this is how it's letting me comment today.)

  3. Sympathies. Positive thoughts. I have no say over your life, but you're a good thing in mine.

    (And you may at some stage be able to use this as evidence that you need to get back on the medication that actually works.)

  4. Here's hoping today will suck less.

    You are appreciated by those who know you in three dimensions and those who don't.

  5. Sometimes saying nothing is enough. Sorry everything is so crummy for you right now. I get days like that, and often there's nothing really wrong with them, but nothing right about them either, can't say why.
    The world won't go away, but wish it would back up a few steps.
    Hope today is better.