Saturday, August 29, 2015

End of August venting.

My washing machine doesn't work.  Taking laundry to a laundromat (there is one 15 minutes walk from my house, no closer) would undo progress I've made on unfucking my back.  Mind you a fair amount of progress might have been unmade not long ago when I went to take a shower only to discover that the shower curtain rod had fallen down and, since putting it back up is a two person job, there was an inordinate amount of reaching up high, having to retrieve something that had fallen down low, and screaming profanity at inanimate objects.

Did I mention that this was when I wanted to take a shower?  Why, because I'd just walked across town to mail a couple books but it was hot and I was slow and as a result the post office closed before I made it and thus it was all for nothing but I was really in need of a shower when I got home.  In fact I took off my sweat drenched clothes before really taking into account the shower curtain rod being down so frustrated, exhausted, sweaty, naked, and shouting profanity at inanimate objects for being difficult.

I am a model of dignity.

The good news is that the whole going to to mail books is because putting The Princess Who Saved Herself on ebay and then mentioning it at Slacktivist has gotten some nice results.  Six I've shipped out, there are the two I failed to ship today, and six left to sell.  And it's a good thing I looked at that because I thought it was seven left to sell because, apparently, I can't count.  So yay for being able to revise an ebay listing.

The shower curtain ripped because it is old and frail.

The only clean towels I have are three "all purpose towels" I got for half off at an end of summer clearance sale at the local supermarket.  My hamper is almost full, but I have no way to wash things.  I'm basically out of clean clothes.  I need to do something with the dirty clothes to avoid mold.

I was away from my house for two weeks during which time someone appears to have tried to deal with the flea infestation.  They failed.  What they did do, however, was inadvertently cause moisture to linger in places it should never, ever linger.  Even if the clothes don't get moldy, I have a definite mold problem now.

I can't really deal with because while my back has made great progress since it forced me to spend most of my time laying down (and hopefully the fixing of the shower curtain rod did not undo it all), dealing with the mold would require bending on a level that I really can't right now.

Never had a mold problem before.  I don't like it.

So, where were we?  Need to repair or replace my washing machine.  Sure as hell can't afford that since it's beyond my ability to repair or, indeed, diagnose (I tried; I failed.)

This has left me increasingly screwed over on the clothes and towels front.

On the way out of the bathroom after a not really shower (I needed to lay down because back) I somehow managed to knock over and shatter the glass I have been using to wash out my mouth broken glass all over the place that I'm most likely to be barefoot ... honestly feels just about right.

The classes that I wanted to take before I graduated and thus decided to stay in school one more year for aren't being offered in spite of being promised so fuck you university, but I have to take something because if I don't I lose my psychologist and psychatrist and we didn't make any kind of transition plan because I swore that I'd be staying one more year because the university swore it would offer those classes.

So, fuck you university, but not attending isn't really a valid option.  It would have been if I'd known they'd pull this kind of a shit a year ago, but a year ago we still had a classics program and despite walking to the brink repeatedly we'd always backed off when it was pointed out, in detail, how stupid what the leadership was doing actually was.  Now we have officially adopted an approach toward policy that can best be described as "self immolation".

You could see things were bad, but no one knew they would get this bad this fast a year ago.  So it was always taken as a given that I'd be here this year, and I am entirely unready to just switch over to an entirely new mental health team.  Which means that in two days I'm returning to university.  No, I cannot possibly pay for it.

If I do the absolute minimum necessary to keep being a student and thus keep my mental healthcare it'll cost $997 plus a fifty dollar late fee since I won't have that money in two days, plus an outside credit handling service fee because I won't have the money in cash.

Of course, if I'm going to fucking be there for another year it makes more sense to actually dig up the information I had on minors and earn one of those because I'm close to like twenty seven of them (ok, more like seven, but my fields of study include hyperbole and hyperbolas; I could have resisted, but why bother?)

So a thousand dollars that I don't have there, and that's doing the bare minimum to keep my mental health people.

While I was distracted by all of the other fucking shit going on in my life, I lost track of expenses for the house.  Also, dentistry.  Dentistry is very important.  That's about $800

Fixing or replacing the washing machine is OH MY FUCKING GOD I DON'T EVEN KNOW.

I have on hand ... about the price of eight copies of The Princess Who Saved Herself, minus ebay and Paypal's cuts and minus the price of shipping each of them.


And the flea problem could be dealt with much more easily if I could clean, but my fucking back (although it's getting there, it's taken me long enough to write this post that I can tell now that the shower curtain rod thing only appears to have been a temporary "Oh God, it hurts," rather than a lasting setback.)


And university starts on monday which means that I should figure out what I'm doing beyond "something" but every time I've tried to I end up just wanting to curl up in a ball and give up.

And the heat makes me sick whenever I have to walk anywhere.

And I've been utterly failing at staying hydrated.

And my approach toward food is sort of like this comic strip, except I do have food, I just don't have dishes.  Whenever I think about doing the dishes I go into the same give up and lie down mode that trying to figure out classes causes.

And, in general, I have overall feelings of fuuuuuck.

And I wish this were more coherent.  And I wish I could see a light that wasn't an onrushing train.  And I wish I had clean clothes.  And I wish I could just crank out some Edith and Ben, Princess Story, Skewed Slightly to the Left, and such.

But at the moment I mostly feel: fuck.


  1. I wish I could help. Being overwhelmed is terrible and sucks.

    I'm still rooting for you, and I plan to throw some money in the tip jar when I have some, but I would really like for life to be just less mean to you for a while. That would be better.

  2. I agree with Packbat. Life seriously needs to knock it off and stop kicking you.

    I will also throw some money in the tip jar once I see what's left after beginning of the month expenses.

    *offers many hugs*

  3. Not to make light of your troubles, but I think your naked shower-rod wrestling in the bathroom would make a great episode in a graphic memoir.